The following books, DVDs, and Web links have been useful to my clients.
I've included brief descriptions to help you locate items of greatest interest.
Healing and Growth
Bourne, Edmund (2005, 4th Ed.). The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook. NY: New Harbinger.
With lots of info about the causes of anxiety disorders, plus the latest science and treatments, this is a book to be used actively by oneself or in concert with a therapist or support group.
Davis, M., et al (2008, 6th Ed.). Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger.
Anyone who's ever considered finding a relaxation method just right for them, look no further than this concise guide to just about every option available.
Williams, M., et al (2007) The Mindful Way Through Depression: Freeing Yourself From Chronic Unhappiness. NY: Guilford. (comes with an audio CD)
A research-based explanation of why depressed states tend to recur and how the powerful, yet simple tool of mindfulness offers a third option: neither surrendering to nor fighting with our moods.
James, John W. and R. Friedman (1998 Revised). The Grief Recovery Handbook. NY: HarperCollins.
Concise, compassionate, and wise, I've never reader a more useful guide to all kinds of losses. These two know what they're talking about.
Rubin, Theodore (1998, Revised). Compassion and Self Hate: An Alternative to Despair. Clearwater, FL: Touchstone.
I first read this in the late 70s and it spelled out what I was discovering myself: that compassion is the antidote to self-criticism and shame. Many clients have read it sinse and their reactions are almost "diagnostic." Nearly two-thirds of the most self-hating ones put off reading Part II on compassion.
Relationships
Bader, Ellyn and Peter Pearson (2000). Tell Me No Lies: How to Face the Truth and Build a Loving Marriage. NY: St. Martin’s.
Secrets and Lies—as opposed to privacy—can be toxic to even the best relationships. These master couple therapists describe how even the hardest truths can promote intimacy and trust.
Easton, D. and J. Hardy (2009, 2nd Ed.). The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures. Berkeley: Celestial Arts.
Those considering alternatives to monogamy will find plenty of options, and philosophies to go with them, between these pages.
Gottman, John M. and N. Silver (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. NY: Three Rivers Press.
Gottman's Institute in Seattle has been following long-term relationships for decades (and gays and lesbians more recently). He considers theses seven elements to be crucial. An excellent self-assessment tool for couples.
Schnarch, David (2009). Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships. NY: Norton.
Schnarch's prescription for maintaining passion—keeping it real between two separate people—is largely in sync with my observations.
Tennov, Dorothy (2nd Ed., 1999). Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being In Love. Chelsea, MI: Scarborough House.
Not only did she write the book on romantic love, she made up this name for its most intense form, a term that's caught on in sexology. An essential read for anyone who've ever been under the spell of romantic passion and wondering what hit them. Also important for those who hope to be in love one day.
Women's Sexuality
Bergner, D. (2009). “What Do Women Want?” New York Times Magazine, January 25, 2009.
A fascinating report on women sexologists exploring the many mysteries of female desire and arousal.
Chalker, R. (2000). The Clitoral Truth: The Secret World at Your Fingertips. NY: Seven Stories.
This little gem of a book explains and shows the full scope of the sprawling, internal "clitoral body" and how it relates to other pelvic organs and muscles.
Diamond, Lisa (2008). Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women's Love and Desire. Cambridge: Harvard Press.
Building on emerging science, this researcher and gender expert delves into the "context-dependent" nature of female sexuality.
Dodson, Betty (2006). Orgasmic Women: Thirteen Self-Loving Divas. 90 min DVD
A wide range of brave, real people (not porn stars) show exactly how they masturbate, with guidance from famed sex educator, Dr. Betty Dodson.
Sundahl, Deborah (2008). Female Ejaculation: The Workshop. 90 min DVD
An excellent how-to guide to the G-spot and female ejaculation.
Men's Sexuality
Castleman, Michael (2004). Great Sex: A Man's Guide to the Secret Principles of Total-Body Sex. NY: Rodale.
Castleman's "secret" really shouldn't be. If you want fulfilling connected sex, turn off the porn and explore slow, sensuous touch.
Schultz, R. L. (1999). Out In the Open: The Complete Male Pelvis. Berkeley: North Atlantic.
If you'd like to know, in detail, how the male pelvic area is put together, this book's for you.
Zilbergeld, Bernie (1999). The New Male Sexuality. New York: Bantam.
The final update by the late Dr. Zilbergeld of his classic about the sexual pressures, problems, and possibilities facing virtually all men.
Gay, Lesbian, Bi, and Transgender
Clark, Donald (2009, 5th Ed.). Loving Someone Gay. Maple Shade, NJ: Lethe Press.
This updated classic remains one of the best guides ever written for gays and lesbians and those who care about them.
Girshick, Lori (2009). Transgender Voices: Beyond Women and Men. University Press of New England.
Written by a sociologist and feminist thinker, this book combines gender theory and analysis with first-person stories from among 150in-depth interviews she conducted.
Hall, Marny (1998). The Lesbian Love Companion. SF: Harper SF.
You'll never look at lesbian relationships quite the same again when you read about the head spinning array of options that hall lays out with humor and even drawings. I'm not a lesbian but I felt liberated myself.
Wilde, Winston (2008). Legacies of Love: A Heritage of Queer Bonding. NY: Haworth.
Here are stories of famous and semi-famous love relationships from around the world and throughout history. Concise profiles with pictures illustrate seven distinct patterns of queer bonding, including interclass, intergenerational, and utopian. Eye-opening and inspiring.
Pleasure Enhancement
A large collection of sex-related films made over the past 70 years covering virtually every subject. Many are free, while others are inexpensive via pay-per-view or subscription. Searching for the exact subject(s) you want is easy. A great resources for sex educators.
An inviting site for browsing and buying sex toys, pleasure supplies of every imaginable type, plus books and DVDs. The also have retail outlets in San Francisco, Berkeley, and Brookline, MA.
This valuable site offers training to the general public in many aspects of sensual and erotic touch. An impressive faculty provides a changing collection of courses.
Sinclair offers a wide variety of nicely produced DVDs. Each one combines good sex education (usually with a well-known expert guide) with sexually explicit imagery.
BDSM and Kink
Brame, W. D. and G. G. Brame (1996). Different Loving: The Worlds of Sexual Dominance and Submission. New York: Villard.
An excellent introduction to the many ways in which people enjoy playing with power in their erotic lives.
Califia, Patrick (2002, 2nd Ed.). Sensuous Magic: A Guide to S/M for Adventurous Couples. San Francisco: Cleis.
A gentle guide for couples wishing to expand their sexual boundaries.
Moore, Thomas (1990). Dark Eros: The Imagination of Sadism. Dallas: Spring.
A bold and very wise look at the meaning and importance of our least civilized erotic urges. Highly recommended.
Thompson, Mark, Ed. (2004). Leatherfolk: Radical Sex, People, Politics, and Practice. LA: Daedalus.
An excellent collection of readings about the many dimensions of unconventional sex, especially among gay men.
Behind this site's bland facade you'll find information and advice about every conceivable aspect of BDSM, including many questions you probably forgot to ask. It offers clear distinctions between abuse and consensual play.
Training, coaching, and DVDs for BDSM practitioners and the curious.
TES and Janus are the two oldest BDSM support organizations in the country. These sites offer a wealth of information, training programs, and events.
Drug Information and Recovery
Denning, Patt, J. Little, and A. Glickman (2004). Over the Influence: The Harm Reduction Guide for Managing Drugs and Alcohol. NY: Guilford.
The clearest exploration I've seen of the harm reduction model of recovery. Those seeking an easy way not to think about their drug use should look elsewhere. While harm heduction doesn't require abstinence, its goal is deep self-exploration and awareness.
Volpicelli, Joseph and M. Szalavitz (2000). Recovery Options: The Complete Guide. Hoboken: Wiley.
No matter what type of drug(s) may be interfering with your life, this books lays out all the options and the best available data on their effectiveness.
An excellent guide for those exploring the twelve-step approach (AA was the first) for a wide variety of addictions and other problems. Explains how the steps work, and offers resources for in-person and online support.
Those seeking self-help support for getting sober who aren't comfortable with AA should check out LifeRing. Its selection of meetings is puny compared to AA, but this site offers many excellent resources, books, and 24/7 online chat.
While run by a huge government agency (the National Institutes of Health), this site is a reliable source for the latest science on and drugs of abuse. As far as I can see—and I've looked pretty closely—you won't find any old-style scare tactics here.
A service of the SF AIDS Foundation and the Stonewall Project (a harm reduction based treatment program for gay men who use crystal meth), tweaker is an excellent, non-judgmental resource focusing on the interplay of crystal meth and sex. It's explicit, real, and essential for crystal users.
Health and Wellness
For the latest research and info on all STDs, ASHA is the premier resource available. Special services and newsletters for Herpes and HPV are just a few of their invaluable offerings.
This is the primary agency of the U.S. government charged with tracking the prevalence and treatments for infectious diseases. This site is a treasure trove of statistics and information.
This is the place to stay informed about all forms of hepatitis and their complications.
A joint service of the National Library of Medicine (NLM) and the National Institutes of Health (NIH). provides the latest information on virtually all diseases and treatments (available in 40 languages). The site includes a medical encyclopedia with pictures and diagrams, a medical dictionary, service directories, and current heath news.
As expected, this is a firt-rate resource for exploring all birth control options, but it's also loaded with additional info about STDs, sexual practices, and much more.
One of the country's premier HIV & AIDS service organizations is filled to the brim with useful information and resources.
The best, most up-to-date source of information and research about effective sex education. The online newsletter is a “must” for those concerned about what works and what doesn’t.